God was calling me, I could feel it in every part of my being, but I couldn't shake the "old me". Somewhere along the way in life I had wandered off from God. Not in my heart, but in my head. I still loved God and had good intentions, I just was distracted with life; marriage, children, homes, relationships, jobs. You know, life in general.
I had a lot of things going on in my life that were not things that God had ordained. Things that started when I was young; feeling distanced and neglected in my preteens, then after high school starting schooling and training to be an x-ray tech. I no longer was around high school and "church friends" but was thrown in with a new lifestyle and group of people; many older and more worldly than I have ever been around. God protected me from myself, and sent me a husband when He knew I needed one.
I had always felt "incomplete" unless I was in a "relationship". I based my identity as a young woman on "having a man". I guess that was part of the way of thinking in the 60's and early 70's. I had always wanted to get married and have children, but when the time was approaching to do that, I was looking in the wrong places. Thank you Lord, that you did not let me make a big mistake. He sent my husband into my life when I was just 19. I knew he was the one.
I'm telling you these things, because I think a lot of us experience some form of this. We may have had a "salvation experience", but we don't change very much. Our identity remains the same. We get caught up in life and the world's way of thinking and doing things. We may have good, honorable, and even Godly intentions, but for some reason they don't translate into our everyday lives.
There were things in my life that didn't fit in with my identity as a Christian; anger, greed, obsessive compulsive behaviors, indifference, poor choices, depression, anxiety, etc. Generally, not living a Godly lifestyle. I don't need to go into detail here. You get the point. I wasn't exhibiting the fact that I was a born-again child of God. I might have wanted to do better, but I didn't know how, or even that I could. I thought I was that way and that's the way I would stay. I needed to change, but I didn't know how.
I didn't see myself "In Christ". I didn't know the scriptures about my "identity". I didn't read the Bible. The only time I picked it up was on the way out the door to church, just so I could follow along with the pastor during the service. I wasn't fully aware of the "life changing" event that had happened in my spirit when I made the decision to trust in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was walking like the old Adam, but I needed to know the "last Adam", Jesus Christ. I was living in condemnation and wrong choices, exhibiting all the negative emotions, and seeking approval of everyone else, myself included, without realizing I needed God's approval.
How do you see yourself, as in the first Adam? Do you have behaviors and ways of thinking that you have seen in the study this week? How do you even unintentionally, identify with Adam and Eve? Ask God to show you where you are in this. Let Him speak to you about emotions and actions that He wants you to turn over to Him. Share your thoughts on this with us. I've taken off the "mask". Is God urging you to do the same?
Monday we'll start looking at the differences between the "first" Adam of the Garden, and the "last Adam" in Jesus Christ.
in Jesus love,
Debra
(concepts taken from Chapter 2,
Victory Over the Darkness, by Neil Anderson)
I can certainly identify with your testimony! One can be in the game but hitting foul balls, not really participating. You're in the game but not running the bases and bringing in other runners. Throughout my life there have been times I sat on the bench. I want to be running the bases!
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Great work (again)... Needs to be read and re-read, and contemplated... Thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of a musical group called Downhere? If you can, check out a song they have called "Hope is Rising". It was on while I read your post, so fitting.
Have a really beautiful day/ weekend, Bless you.
Ciao~
Wit me, it's always felt like one step forward, ten steps back. I still to this day do things which don't line up with what a Godly woman should do....get angry, gossip, curse. Still, I try to remember the struggles St. Paul went through...doing those things we know we shouldn't, and yet our fallen human nature gets the better of us.
ReplyDeleteI could write a blog post filled with all my transgressions, and it would surely make you look like a nun, Debra! ;-)
Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart with us, dear friend!
Anne
Hi Debra,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking a lot lately about why I do things. Do I do them because I want to honor God and draw closer, or do I do them because I know that God wants me to do those things, and I would feel guilty if I didn't do them. A very fine line there. Your post is very thought provoking, thanks for sharing what was on your heart.
Kate